Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Indians Living Abroad!! NRIs...

Hola homies!

As I said on the teensy sneek-peek on our FB page (You're satan's imp if you aren't following us yet... Whiny?? I am not whining), This is all about those loved ones we have living somewhere, anywhere, outside India, even Pakistan (the reason I mention Pak is coz they're our neighbours). Now, I do have relatives living abroad but nobody of consequence, so here I am gonna talk about people I can specifically relate to. They're mostly students or have just started working. They, and their families, do some things that you just cannot ignore. How I know all that since I am totally being a judgmental asshole? Well, unless you know the torture Inter-Continental relationships put you through, do not tell me I am wrong, at all (Yes, I am waving my finger at you.... Nope, not that one....)
[Source- icicibank.com]
Our friends living anywhere abroad or people with family members there would know what I am talking about since, we all do one or the other thing that comes to us Indians with NRIs naturally. Let's get the ball rolling!!!



[Source- rantapallo.fi]
No, those are not shouty capitals. Those are I-am-gonna-treat-this-as-a-trunk-call capitals. Even some 90s kids probably won't get that reference but if you, like me, like old movies, you have to know what I mean. Trunk calls were long distance calls probably during the 60s (not sure) that were connected by a person at a place called the 'exchange' and hence, had to be pushed through by by shouting at the telephone receiver. This is most common among mothers and Grannies. Whenever, and I mean everytime, a mother can't hear her 'aankhon ka tara' on an ISD call or a skype call, she will go mad at the gadget and shout like they did over trunk calls, "Helloooo!! Hello. Can you.. Can you hear me?!" And mind you, given your distance from this beautiful woman or your granny, They will ALWAYS cry over or after the call. That is not lame (So don't check your fucking minutes left every 5 seconds), that is their love. You may have to tolerate a girlfriend crying over a broken nail in future, might as well learn swallowing the Love your elders have for you.
[Source- On picture]



[Source- churchwhisperer.com]
Basically, carriers are people who 'carry' stuff..... Wait, hello Captain Obvious! No, get my point, when you have someone living abroad, every acquaintance of yours or of your friends' or their friends' becomes a carrier. These are the poor people who pack their stuff while coming home, keeping in mind the laptop their friend wants to send for his sister, the cellphone he wants to send his brother and the pair of shoes he wants to send his girlfriend. The plight of these people is so deep and has so many feels because there is always the possibility of some other friend getting mad because they are carrying the world for a friend and not for them and there may also be a whole bag of pickles, chips, ghee* and motherly groceries back for the friend. I will just say, I feel for you Lovely people. You make the world a better place with all your help to us, the deprived lot who wait for such stuff to get off the planes with you.


'Oh tu bhi Hindustani hai?!' (Dude, you Indian?!)

Just like before, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. It is just human nature to seek similar people in any place that we are at, only, when you're Indian (can't speak for anyone else) it escalates by 4 times. Yes, the Turban wearers, kada* wearers, that 'mata ka' locket, curry (gravy for some), Holi, Diwali, IPL* or Cricket in general, are just some things that will help you find company in a new place and I assure you, you will find some, somewhere. Secondly, just imagine 2 Indian men, in the same college, who hate each other. I am not talking 'he-stole-my-pen-once' hate, I mean the I-detest-his-existence-on-this-planet' hate. Put the two of them in a situation where an original resident of that particular nation is pitted against one of them and then watch the transformation take place. The two men will change into brothers the minute the other needs help. It won't even matter if one of them stole the other's girlfriend or worse yet, Xbox, they will team up against the whole world just because.... yup, you got that right..... They're both INDIANs!!


The Punjabi 22

[Source- On picture]
I have never, literally never, heard a Punjabi say, "Oh, I don't have anyone at all living abroad!" I am not saying there is anything wrong with it. I have people very close to me living in Canada, the US, one person in London, a cousin in Greece and well, the rest of them don't even know I exist but they're family whatsoever. The point is, any person who is abroad, your brother, friend or boyfriend, knows at least one Punjabi. It gives me immense amount of joy in acknowledging that we Indians are everywhere. The other day I was watching Notting Hill (at least the 40th time) and towards the end when My love, Julia Roberts is at the press conference, you browse through the crowd and behold, A turban! I do not mean to offend anyone. Just be a sport and accept it, we Indians, are just as omnipresent as Oxygen.


"WTF did you just say?!!"

[Source- on picture]
I have mentioned the brotherly feels men get during fights but this is a tad different. Take a situation when something wrong is happening in India. For instance, people are getting arrested under the IT act (yes, I do think we're being robbed off our freedom of expression) and there is this bunch of Indian guys and girls all talking about how bad things are in their country. They're thanking God almighty that they were able to leave India and settle down in, say, NYC. All of a sudden, an American from an adjacent table decides to pitch in his views saying, "yea, I think it sucks too!" And BAM!!!! The whole scene transforms into a declaration of  how there is no nation that is better that this glorious nation and how proud they are of their culture and all the beautiful things India has to offer to the world. How the economy of America is supported by Indians so much! How the people of India don't go about causing shooting incidents! How India is the Largest Secular Democracy of the world! We can abuse Priyanka Chopra for Exotic on youtube comments as much as we want but ASA someone else says that she sings bad, we remind you she is an awesome actress and a former Miss World. and many many such things. Just a little advice, DO NOT say to an Indian, that India is bad, coz 1. it is Not!!! DU-Uh!! and 2. it is like you can say all sorts of things to your siblings and no one else is allowed to as much as touch a hair of their head, that has already fallen off.....


Don't stop the partayy!!!

[source- wedding-blog.gigmasters.com]
Know this, people! You will never find as good a party person as an Indian. We know a good party when we see one but admit it. That all desi Holi bash is gonna be more awesome with the 'Badnaam Munni'* and the 'Sheila ki jawani'*, with sprinkles of Yo Yo Honey Singh all over the place, than any damn club downtown coz that is just how we roll. Also, you can take the Indian out of India but you can't take the India out of the Indian. Even though that hot guy over there has been in London, working for an Awesome MNC, for like, 4 years, you play a Snake charmer audio from the 90s Indian movies and he will transform into something that even that movie didn't prepare you for. Which movie? Get this, go and Google 'Jaani Dushman' and read the data on the latest movie by that name coz honestly, that movie was so pathetic, I don't even have the guts to bother Google with it. And the worst part, get a desi to a metal concert, one who doesn't appreciate the beauty of it of course, and listen to what he has to say. This one time at college, this band was performing Opeth's Blackwater Park and there were these weirdos discussing that the band isn't good coz they aren't singing 'pare hoja Sohniye, saddi rel gaddi aayi'*. Don't go by the word, but they did insult those Gods in that way.


The Love struck Owls

[Source- cognoscenti.wbur.org]
Anyone who has a friend or couple of friends in long distance relationships, not like 'the last week it was her but not anymore', knows the pain of these people. Honestly, I have great amount of respect for such people, because I might be one of them.... No, I remove that, I have my aunt's husband's nephew's girlfriend's brother on my list (yes, we do have to be worried about these people, you judgemental racist). These are the people who have been in long time, long distance relationships, their partners are back in India (wassup, Time Zones... You suckers) and they work on their relationships. Now of course communication is the key to a long time relationship so they now have to communicate from across numerous continents, different time zones and varying education/working systems. Life is a bitch but c'mon, whine all you want, they make each  other's lives better and you are a little bit jealous because, admit it, your ex boyfriend was being a douche when he said your long distance wasn't working between Chandni Chowk* and Gurgaon*.


Kada- a religious bangle worn by people who just believe that every belief needs to be respected. and c'mon, the Sikhs know it and so do we, It looks sexy as hell.

Ghee- Clarified butter; Indian food staple; moms love dipping rotis in it.

IPL- Indian Premier league. An excuse for Indians to keep their favourite retired cricketers in the game. Also a way of making foreign cricketers look like comedians for advertisments.

Munni Badnaam/Sheila ki jawani- Horrible songs from Bollywood movies, called item numbers that I am gonna deny I ever listened to. May be I did, but I am gonna deny it.

.....Saddi rail gaddi aayi- a lame but Cool Punjabi song that will make even the most sophisticated person at the party to set the drink aside and join a train  of people running around the hall singing it.

Chandni Chowk- place in New Delhi.... Correction.... Boring, over-crowded place in New Delhi.

Gurgaon- The most Awesome place on & around the planet of New Delhi, coz that is what th Delhi folks think it is, a Darned Planet!!!
I will see you soon....
Till then,

I dedicate this post to all my Amazing friends living, and living it well, outside their Homeland. You guys Rock! I can't even travel to Dharamshala, just 28 kilometers away, without my father... I know.. Loser! Just Kidding, I am awesome!!! ^_^

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